Why do Koreans stare at me? If you've never asked yourself that question as a non-Asian foreigner in Korea, you've never been outside your home. One thing that I have learned since coming to Korea is that many Koreans, especially old men, love to stare at me. One way to combat this feeling of self-consciousness is to stare right back - really stare at them, straight in the eyes and smile. This, of course, typically freaks anyone out, Korean or otherwise. After awhile, just like when guys check me out in the States, it becomes old and I stop taking it personally. Getting to that point is difficult and, as a newcomer in Seoul, I sometimes feel about as out of place as Lindsey Lohan at an AA meeting. Now that it is second nature to either stare back or just ignore, I have realized the reasons behind the looks:
What is it about my face? Did I just eat and have food on my face or blow my nose and have a booger somewhere? Is there a slice of apple in my teeth? I don’t care what country you are in, if you have something on your face, people stare at you trying to figure out what it is. Wash your face and deal with that embarrassment.
Sure, I am blond and white and, although Korea has opened its doors in the past decades and many foreigners do live here, I am still different. People are naturally curious about differences. Take it as a compliment, they are looking at me and comparing.
I find myself staring all the time, at someone’s watch, shoes, bag or other items that they are wearing. I wonder, where did they buy that, is that a real Loius Vuitton or a great knock-off, or why is she wearing snakeskin print with zebra print. Therefore, I should not be surprised when someone is staring at me. Most of my clothes, accessories and bags were purchased in the US, so someone may be wondering what brand is Mossimo (how I miss you Target).
Are you female? Are you smoking? Are you smoking and walking? Are you smoking in a very public place? This is not common in Korea. If you are female and want to smoke as the Koreans do - notice it is only men who smoke openly. Women are often in the shadows enjoying their nicotine fix.
Are you in a restaurant? Did you just order something spicy? Are you eating it without a painful look upon your face wishing you had ordered something else? Then prepared to be stare at. Prepare to be told "You are almost Korean!" Koreans are impressed when foreigners can eat spicy food. I often hear that I can eat spicy food well, meaning that I not only tolerate it but seem to enjoy it.
Can you read Korean? Are you studying the language? Can you speak it? If so another thing that will impress Koreans and open you to staring. I was complaining to the boyfriend that the guy next to me was staring intently at my Korean language homework. The boyfriend just answered, "you know, there is a television show about foreigners that speak Korean. People will sit and watch it on TV, so he must be fascinated. Be flattered." And now I am--flattered ,that is.
Finally, what are you wearing? I have decided to open myself up to the gawking, but you don’t have to. Korean women generally do not wear revealing tops. I know that when I wear something that shows off the "girls," then I am opening myself up to being gawked at. Older Korean men, like just about all men, just want a glimpse, while older women just openly stare with a slight hint of disgust.
Once you realize why you are being stared at, its up to you to avoid these situations or embrace them. Since I know that I will never fully "fit" in Korea, I have decided to embrace my differences. Of course, I still get away with any faux-pas that I may commit by smiling right back at anyone staring at me.
About me: How did a mid-West gal end up in Korea? A tale of revenge, pure and simple. Last year, my Korean-American (gyopo) boyfriend asked me to move with him to Seoul for the sole purpose of proving what its like to live "different" in modern society. Sure, I laughed when he used to count the number of Asians he sees while visiting my family in Ohio (nine, on our last visit, all together going into a baseball game). And I chuckled and shook my head when he threatened to show me first-hand what it might feel like to be in his shoes, sitting as the only white girl at his Korean-family gatherings.
I scoffed back then--but now I know. The past 8 months living in Seoul have been a roller coaster of emotions, embarrassments and learning experiences. In my blogs, I hope to share what I, a homegrown Ohio native, by way of Seattle, 28 year-old (30!! Korean age) woman, has learned in this great and giant city of Seoul!
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